Yes, Jonny, There Is a War on Christmas

'Tis the season when Fox News is the only mainstream media outlet to report, much less notice, the annual sharpening of knives by atheists out to destroy any public semblance of Christmas celebration.

And it wouldn't be the holiday season without liberals like comedian Jon Stewart weighing in to deny that there is any war on Christmas.

To be sure, the atheists go after Hanukkah as well, but as the celebration of the miracle in the temple hasn't enjoyed nearly the commercial success of Christmas, Jews don't have as large a bull's eye on their backs at this time of year as Christians have.

Stewart's response to Fox covering the annual story of the atheists' March of the Grinches was classic liberal: "You're f***ing nuts!"

While Christians in Santa Monica, California, have had to fight the courts and the city to keep a 60-year community tradition of Nativity scenes alive, and seniors living at The Willows in Newhall, California, are fighting a management dictate banning menorahs and Christmas trees, according to liberals like Stewart, there is no war on Christmas.

"For whatever annoying local ticky-tack Christmas abolishing story you and your merry band of persecution-seeking researchers can scour the wires to turn up, the rest of us can’t swing a dead elf without knocking over an inflatable snowman or a giant blinking candy cane," Stewart said.

I understand his point, and I realize it's difficult for some liberals to wrap their heads around, but elves, Santa Claus, flashing candy canes, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman aren't the real Christmas, at least not the one Christians are worried about.

(Christmas trees were apparently co-opted by German Christians in the 16th century from pagan traditions. According to legend, it was none other than Martin Luther himself who first put lights in a tree for the holiday, so while not biblical, the Christmas tree at least has something of a historical pedigree.)

No, the war on Christmas is actually the seasonal version of the war on Christ, which is year-round as atheists try to establish their beliefs as the only acceptable public religion.

Of course, guys like Stewart would never acknowledge that Christianity is being purposely forced out of public view, because then the liberal sheeple might become alarmed.

"As a general rule if you’re trying to tell whether you and one other person are nuts, ask a third person. Preferably someone outside the asylum," said Arkham's chief inmate to his audience.

Comments

comments

  • JohnGalt

    Let's save time here:

    The hugely overrated and talentless Leibowitz hates Christians and Christianity.

    All else, flows from there.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

      Who is Leibowitz?

      • JohnGalt

        The prick Stewart.

        His real name.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

          Sorry, didn't know that.

  • KeepWhining

    There's a war on Christmas like there's a war on how the toilet paper should hang off the roll. Keep whining about irrelevant stuff, it just makes it easier to learn that you should be ignored.

    • R Stone

      it s not irrevelant if you are a believer in Jesus, because it is ALWAYS the agenda of the atheists, communists and one world government to destroy Jesus Christ as it is the money changers behind it. They can't be god if there is another God in the hearts of so many. It IS war; the great spiritual war of possession of the hearts and minds by either Satan possessed gov or by the Spirit of Love thru Jesus. Which do you want

    • seektruth

      Some will NEVER understand the significance of this war nor carry it to logical conclusions. Putting the "Christmas" issue aside, this is an afront to ALL religious freedom and expression and in direct violation of the First Amendment. There is a reason the forefathers put that issue first. It had utmost significance in a free society. Removal of the "free exercise thereof." could also then allow removal of "freedom of speech, or of the press..." etc. etc.
      Oh, wait, they're attempting that as well and it is a HUGE matter whether you realize it or not.
      Who cares? those things are "irrelevant"?

  • Doodlebug

    Is there anyone out there who can tell me how to contact the management of Godfather Politics? I am soooooooooooo tired of seeing the dummicrat donkey's arrogant nose in the air face flastered 1-2 times on every page. I thought maybe we could have them set up one page for his picture and then leave his picture off all ofther pages Then we could go to that page when we miss him soooooooooo much we have to go looking for him. I'm tired of looking at him as a matter of fact, I turned off Fox NEWS when he was on one of his campaign swings that Fox was covering.. I can't stand looking at his face anymore.

    • chuckster

      ditto

      • daves

        I have never heard of a single case of someone trying to ban public displays of Christmas decorations. We just do it at our church and our homes instead of involving the government. I sure don't want the government to decide that a tree is okay but not a Menorah. That is the fastest way for us all to lose our freedom.

    • Barbie

      Use his face for target practice....that's the only thing to do....

    • posttime

      I feel your pain. I click away every time I see his smirking face. I cannot stand the tone in his voice either. That he's forever lying goes without saying.

      • daves

        God bless you President Obama.

  • CARLjr

    That segment of the Daily Show was pretty funny. He was basically saying that there is no need to worry about Christmas going away - It gets bigger and longer every year. In fact, this year the Christmas shopping season started even earlier when Black Friday went to "Black Thursday" or as we used to call it - "Thanksgiving". Christmas is so big it's even eating other holidays! (watch your back, Halloween)

    He was saying the FoxNews annual obsession with "The War on Christmas" is now part of how we celebrate the season. "It's as though the 'War on Christmas' has become a rote observance, devoid of all its original spiritual meaning" Stewart joked.

    • SJvet

      It's not a laughing matter as the ACLU and atheists push their common agenda to destroy Christianity in this country. It's a necessary step in implementing communism, just as demonizing the rich is a necessary step. People need to wake up! Kids and college students are being fed a line of BS about evolution and they're turning their backs on God, because there are no consequences for sin.

      • CARLjr

        Young people are not turning their backs on God, but turning their backs on the Church - because of their open hostility toward homosexuals, women, and the poor. The fact that the Church cannot reconcile scientific discoveries into their scriptures from thousands of years ago doesn't help.

        • SJvet

          Actually, they are turning their backs on God. Two of my nieces were very religious when they started college, but both came back doubting that God exists. A real church can't endorse homosexuality, because it's a sin. They don't attack these people, but attempt to counsel them to lead a better life.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

          I have pointed out before that one of the truest metaphors in the Bible is the fall from grace in the Garden of Eden - knowledge is truly the enemy of faith. It will likely forever be true that the more one learns, the less religious explanations make sense. It is no coincidence that religious beliefs and education are negatively correlated (and they are).

        • Chas

          I always equate religion with having soul.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

          So would you understand SJvet's nieces to have lost their souls?

        • scatteredshowers

          Not for me! Ignorance is worse than education! I am educated and I also read the Bible and I believe God's word. No other book in the world has as much knowledge. No wonder the atheists want to eliminate Christianity.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

          I would argue that they are turning their backs on both, although they appear to be leaving the church at a faster rate, for the exact reasons you mention. Once their minds are freed from church dogma, some dare to ask the harder questions about the existence of God.

        • MR.RIGHT

          Sorry but you're an idiot, we Christians are not hostile towards homosexuals... God is! its the sin of homosexuality we Christians are against, not the individual. Your comment about the 'Church' being against women and the poor, what are you talking about? aren't there women that go to church? are they against themselves? and the poor, churches give to 'poor' people all the time. If you are speaking of the 'church' as the building you are wrong the 'church' is the body of Christ NOT a building. Children are being led astray by the marxist/communists that have usurped the public school system, and have take the Bible out of school that's the reason, plus being lied to about evolution and the age of the earth. If you tell a lie long enough a repeat it day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, you have just created the next generation of American/ God haters; also known as 'liberals/democrats'.

        • CARLjr

          Precisely what I said. God/Jesus is not a building - also not a
          denomination or a corporation. It's ORGANIZED religion that everyone is running from.

          Religion is internal - it is within your own heart and mind.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

          The only reference to homosexuality in the New Testament is in the letters of Paul, so apparently you honor those. In addition to all sorts of rules about women keeping their heads covered and being subsurvient to men, he states:

          1 Corinthians 14:34: the women should keep silence in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be subordinate, as even the law says. 35: If there is anything they desire to know, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church. 36: What! Did the word of God originate with you, or are you the only ones it has reached?

          So, yeah, there are some problems with perspectives on women.

      • melissasmom

        Today I attended a "Holiday" program at school. No more Christmas program. They had a "holiday tree" and teachers were forbidden to talk about it. Now, if that isn't a war on Christmas what is? It is a sad time for this country.

        • SJvet

          Yes, and a number of years ago, Atlantic City schools either did away with some Christian holidays or renamed them. Then they added two Muslim holidays. The phony "separation of church and state" only applies to Christianity and Judaism.

        • MR.RIGHT

          You've got that right, they even have classes in high schools on islam. Now you tell me how is that Constitutional? when a Christian can't even pray in Jesus' name, but these muslimes have a room to pray in during school hours? hell they even pray in the malls. We are being infiltrated OPEN YOUR EYES!!!!!and your Bibles.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

          Unless the only way you know to pray is to lead others aloud, anyone can pray in any room in any school anytime they want. What nonsense.

        • SJvet

          Yes, but the Muslims can lead others aloud. We used to read a psalm in the morning in school, back when people were generally more friendly.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

          Where in the US are Muslims leading other students in prayer during public school? If they are it's an outrageous violation of the First Amendment.

          Please show me what you are referring to.

        • SJvet

          Yes, and they had foot baths installed in airports. Could you imagine the Catholics getting holy water fonts installed in airports?

      • chuckster

        You mention the ACLU.How can they be the ACLU when they violate peoples rights?

    • seektruth

      The "War on Christmas" is a misnomer. It's a war on the CHRIST of Christmas. Christmas is here to stay and gets biger every year. But the war is in the attempt to have Christ and any religious references removed.
      That war is quite real with everything from prevention of little Johnny and Suzy from signing any "religious" songs in the school play to department stores renaming everything "Holiday" this and "Holiday" that.
      There are hundreds of battles every year throughout the US on many levels.

      • seektruth

        corrections > *BIGGER and *SINGING.

      • soonerorlater

        Battles, Battles, wars, tension, difficulties. Sooooo negative. We're sure to wear down and give up sooner or later. Take a positive view. Support Christian-based businesses, network with Christians, close ranks and above all else, produce the next generation of Christians.
        We need numbers.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PTIF6KGUK7QASUBRKKR5A6LM2Q Tod

    Christmas is the blending of Christianity and Paganism and is called in our Bibles Syncretism,and God Forbids Syncretism . But God does demand us to honor God's Annual Festivals forever,and his Sabbath, not Sunday, that is named after the sun God Baal.For what the Bible really teaches by every word of our Bibles go to lcg.org and watch a real Christian sermon of what the bible teaches for a change.

    • SilkyWiley

      What is wonderful about all true scripture is that it is timeless and multiple layered. So, I'll do my own interpretation, thank you.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PTIF6KGUK7QASUBRKKR5A6LM2Q Tod

        You got your name right.

  • momcat

    Christmas has nothing to do with shopping anyway. That was started from the department stores to get their sales up,( just like mother's day,.. etc.) from the card companies to sell more cards. Christmas is a religious event....Deal with it!!

  • John Tashjian

    Quick, someone resurrect Madalyn Murray-O'Hair! Apparently, Jon Steward, a non-practicing JEW (no less), joined with the atheists in attacking Christmas, and is now gaslighting the rest of us into "believing" the opposite. Quite true to form, isn't It?

  • amigo

    God says The Atheist is a Fool.
    The Wisdom in God's Word states that it is Folly for a person who Answers a Matter Before he has heard ALL Facts of the Matter. (Proverbs 18:13) In short, God says he is a Fool. Any wise Lawyer would Not risk his reputation in court (as a Fool) by Not invest- igating All of the Facts in a Legal Matter. He would want to be prepared for uncertain rulings that would depend on the court's acceptance or rejection of evidence presented.

    The Bible teaches that the man who Cannot Reason is a Fool; the man who Refuses to Reason is a Bigot; the man who is Afraid to Reason is a Slave. The Fool wishes he could
    Reason, but cannot, he has No Moral Compass; the Bigot is able to Reason, but Refuses
    to Accept Correction, he is Prideful, (don't confuse me with facts, my mind is made up); the Slave is able to Reason, but he is Fearful of what people will say about him, (don't make waves, let's go along to get along, Strive for Majority's acceptance). But the Willing Man has every good opportunity available by his Ability and Willingness to Reason.

    The God of the Bible is a God of Reason. God's Word says, "Come now, let us Reason together, says the Lord, though your sins be as Scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be Red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If you are (key words) Willing and
    Obedient, you Shall Eat the Good of the Land. But if you refuse and rebel, you shall be devoured with the sword; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken it." (Isaiah 1:18-20)
    God speaks to the Fools when He says “My people are destroyed for lack of know- ledge." (Hosea 4:6)

    "The Fool has said in his heart, ‘There is No God." (Psa 14:1;53:1) “For the preaching of the Cross is to them that perish Foolishness; But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumbling block, and unto the Greeks Foolishness." (1Corinthians 1:18, 23) The Psychiatry profession claims that man is a two-part being; he has an Intellect and a Body, and that the goodness of man lays within his inner most being. God's Word says this is Not correct; there is No goodness in man in his fallen state. (Romans 3:10, 23); “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, Not one. For ALL have sinned and come short of the Glory of God.”

    In Genesis.1:26,27, God says, "Let us make man in OUR image, in OUR likeness," that is a Three-Part being in the likeness of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy
    Spirit. The spirit of man is the most important part of his triune creation. The spirit of man was created in the express image of God and is indestructible and will live forever in eternity. God created Adam and Eve in His Glory and they were spiritually joined to God and they were exceedingly blessed with His Grace in all things. But when Adam and Eve rebelled against God's instructions, their spiritual connection was severed and their fellowship with God was destroyed. Because of Adam's fall, man received as a consequence for his disobedience, a sin nature. This sin nature, referred to as "Original Sin," is an inborn propensity to commit evil. God is an All-Consuming Fire and He
    knows that sinful man cannot stand in His presence without being destroyed. So God sent Jesus the Savior of mankind so that sinful man could be forgiven and reconciled to God, whereby enabling man to stand before a Holy God in Right standing with Him and without being destroyed by His All-Consuming Fire.

    In the course of 4,000 years, God sent His Son Jesus, to save fallen man by becoming a
    propitiation and sacrifice for man's sin, and thereby reconciling man back to God. God is loving, merciful, forgiving, and just. The greatest Promise in the Bible is John 3:16,17; "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent Not His Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved." The greatest tragedy is John 3:18; "But he that believeth Not is condemned already, (the Atheist, Agnostic) because he has not believed in the name of the Only Begotten Son of God." God in His love, mercy, forgiveness, and grace, satisfied his Justice and hatred for man's sin by providing a way for man to be reconciled to God, by placing the entire sins of the world, past, present, and future, upon Jesus, the Lamb of God Who is without sin and Who takes away the sin of the world. God takes No pleasure in the death of the wicked. Ezekiel 33:11 says, “As I live says the Lord God, I have No Pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and LIVE: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; forwhy will ye die, O house of Israel?”

    The problem with man’s sin nature is quite simple. Man cannot save himself from his destructive sin nature, therefore God provided a Savior to deliver him from his evil ways. The Bible way to heaven is achieved by a simple Confession and an act of faith found in Romans 10: 9-13; that says, ”If you Confess with your Mouth the Lord Jesus and Believe in your Heart that God raised Him from the dead, you Will be Saved. For with the Heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the Mouth confession is made unto Salvation. For the scripture says “Whoever Believes on Him will Not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon
    Him. For whoever calls upon the Lord (Jesus) Shall be Saved.” When a believer Confesses this prayer, he is making a proclamation of Identification. He is vicariously in agreement and personally Identifies with the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus who took his sins to the cross and was raised from the dead in hell for the forgiveness of all his sins, enabling him to spend eternity with the Father in Heaven.

    The Atheist and Agnostic says God does not exist, yet They Have Not Searched for Him. The man who does Not Search for God will generally Never find Him, but the man who steadfastly searches for Godwill always find Him. God invites men to Search for Him, and He promises to reveal Himself to all who seek to know Him. Jeremiah 33:3 says, “Call unto me, and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know. ”Jeremiah 29: 11-14 says, ”For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and Not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will Seek Me and Find Me, when you Search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity;”

    The Atheist and Agnostic is without excuse. God has given sinful man a plan of redemption and eternal salvation. God has given us His son Jesus; He has given us His Holy Word, the Bible; He has given us His Holy Spirit. All man has to do is Choose the path he wants to take for his eternal destiny. God does not Send sinful man to hell and
    damnation. God has given man a Free Will to Choose his eternal destiny. Sinful man
    Sends Himself to hell and damnation by default, because he has Not Believed on the Name of Jesus, the Only Begotten Son of God. Man has to make this Choice while he is Yet Alive, for he Cannot Choose after he experiences the First physical death.

    The Great White Throne Judgment.
    Revelation 20:13-15 says, “Then I saw a Great White Throne and Him who sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away. And there was found no place for them. And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and Books were opened. And another Book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books. The sea gave up the dead who were in it, and Death and Hades delivered up the dead who were in them. And they were judged, each one according to his works. Then Death and Hades were cast into the Lake of Fire. This is the Second Death. And anyone Not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the Lake of Fire. The Second Death is Not Cessation of Physical Life, but it is the Eternal Separation of Life from Jesus, the eternal source of life. God’s Word is His Will, and God’s Will is His Word. The Consciousness that we have in this mortal life is Immortal and Will Live for eternity; to be Vividly Aware of eternal glory with God or Vividly aware of eternal hell and damnation.

    Only a FOOL would choose Eternal Hell over the simple choice of Eternal Glory with God. John 14:6 says, Jesus said to him, “ I am The (only) Way, The (only) Truth, and The (only) Life. No one comes to the Father Except through Me.” The Word of God is Divine Truth; inspired by His Holy Spirit; it is self-evident truth, and it is beyond debate. The Bible was written and canonized over a period of approximately 1700 years by 40 different authors, Who were All inspired by the Holy Spirit of God. The Bible is all about Jesus and He is the main character in every book and all of the books are in harmony with Jesus asthe Central theme of man’s salvation. There is not one book that contradicts any of the other books.
    Jesus is the Living Word of God.
    In the King James Bible there are 66 books, 1189 chapters, 31,102 verses, 773,746 words, and 3,566,480 letters. Now imagine taking all these books, chapters, verses,
    words, and letters, and wrapping them all over every square inch of Jesus’ body and then covering Him with flesh. The apostle John constantly refers to Jesus as the Word of God in his Gospel and in his book of Revelation. (John 1:1,14; Revelation 19:13,16) “And He [Jesus] was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and His Name is called the Word of God. And He [Jesus] has on His vesture and on His thigh a name written, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Jesus is the Word of God Who became flesh and dwelt among us, (John 1:14) and believers are the flesh who become the Word as we study and meditate on the Holy Scriptures. “And you shall know the Truth and the Truth shall make you Free.” (John 8:32)

    Dr. Lewis S. Chafer, Dallas Theological Seminary founder, sums up the Bible in 5 topical words in his Christian Theology. Christ is the Central Theme of Scripture, and as bearing on His Person, the Bible books are classified as:
    1.) Old Testament as the Preparation for the Coming Christ;
    2.) Four Gospels as the Manifestation of Christ;
    3.) Book of Acts as the Propagation of Christ's Spirit (His Church);
    4.) Epistles as Explanation of the Preparation, Manifestation, and Propagation of Christ;
    5.) The Book of Revelation as the Consummation of Christ and His Church.
    The Glorious Consummation of the Creator God with His Redeemed Creation; the Church, the Bride of Christ shall Behold (see) Him and Become One With Him and Eternally Joined With the Father. (1John 3:2)

    Logic dictates if the premise is true, the conclusion is true also. The Word of God has a truthful premise and ends with a true conclusion. Atheist, your name will be found in the Book of Life IF you invite Jesus into your heart and confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is your Lord and Savior of your life. God declares in His Word, the Bible way to heaven is to choose Jesus as your savior. God’s Word is His Will; His Will is His Word.

    “That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the Heart one Believes unto Righteousness,& with the mouth Confession is made unto Salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put toshame. For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Romans 10:9-13 NKJV)
    Atheist, May God grant you the Wisdom to Choose between Heaven and hell; Non-Smoking or Smoking. Amen!

    The Bible is all about Jesus.
    Martin Luther called John 3:16 "The Heart of the Bible, the Gospel in Miniature." It’s so simple a Child can Understand IT; Yet IT Condenses the Deep and Marvelous Truths of Redemption into these few Powerful Words of Absolute Assurance: The following verse,
    John 3;16 from the King James Bible, is the greatest promise to man for Eternal Life from God, the Creator of All mankind.

    "God" ~ The Greatest Lover.
    "So Loved" ~ The Greatest Degree.
    "The World" ~ The Greatest Number.
    "That He Gave" ~ The Greatest Act.
    "His Only Begotten Son" ~ The Greatest Gift.
    "That Whosoever" ~ The Greatest Invitation.
    "Believeth" ~ The Greatest Simplicity.
    "In Him" ~ The Greatest Person.
    "Should Not Perish" ~ The Greatest Deliverance.
    "But" ~ The Greatest Difference.
    "Have" ~ The Greatest Certainty.
    "Everlasting Life ~ The Greatest Possession.

    • CARLjr

      I'm going to look for an equally long quote I can copy and paste as a response. I promise to post it each time this post appears.

    • CARLjr

      REVELATIONS OF ST. JASON

      1.1 While it seemed another night, I found myself tossing and wearied.
      When Finally I did pass into slumber right away I was taken into dream. I
      dreamt a man stood at the end of the bed. In full pirate regalia, he
      was clad, buckle shoes, stripey socks, pantaloons, a wide belt, a loose
      poet’s shirt, and tricorn hat. From where I lay, it was quite clear that
      he had been drinking heavily, as the smell of beer was quite strong.

      1.2 “Come with me” he said. “Why?” I asked “Why should I go with you,
      obviously a drunkard, and a stranger as well?” “Do you not know me?”
      said he, and indeed, though I had never laid eyes upon this man before, I
      somehow knew him. “In my previous life, I was sometimes called Saint
      James the Bas tard.” This name I knew though the man I did not. So I
      agreed at last to come with him. “Is it far?” I asked. “As far as a
      lifetime and only a single step away” he answered, and took me to the
      window.

      1.3 My window opened not onto the trees that normally, but instead upon a
      well-fitted brigatine. Several more pirates crewed the ship and snapped
      to attention as the captain and myself came aboard. “Cast off, me
      hearties! Set course for Heaven!” and the scurvy crew set about to sail
      the ship high above my town. We touched down in a pesto-dark sea, the
      morning sun stained the skies marinara red. And after many years that
      took but a eye-blink, a island hove into view.

      1.4 The island was immense. Big enough for all the people of the world
      who ever lived and were yet to come. As we approached, I could see the
      massive volcano that dominated the island. Even Olympus Mons on Mars
      would be dwarfed by the massive mountain. And on Heaven’s slopes gleamed
      rivulets of freshly erupted beer. Some collected into trickles which
      danced over the rocks. Others collected into mighty rivers, which filled
      lakes in which Pastafarians played. Even from this distance, I could
      see that some streams were dark with Porters or Stouts, and others were
      light with Pilsners and Kolsh, with a spectrum of brews flowing down the
      slopes, so that each may try what is their preference.

      1.5 And in between the streams, I could make out many buildings. Some
      looked to be massive factories, square and gray, others looked to be
      dwellings, tastefully made out of flotsam and wrecked ships. In some
      places, many, many buildings clustered together near a bend in the
      stream of beer. In other places, great swathes of the mountain were left
      open, so those who wished solitude could have it.

      1.6 From the many bays and piers I noticed many ships setting sail and
      coming into port. “Captain James, those ships, where do they go? From
      where do they come?” I asked. To which he replied “Those be the holy
      messengers, charged with bringing believers in. Often, they are sent to
      bring pasta to the Earth.” “Pasta comes from heaven?” I asked, startled.
      “Of course it does!” He replied. “What? Did you think it grew on
      trees?” Properly humbled I remained quiet, but Saint James was not
      finished yet. “By the way, you forgot to capitalize Heaven there. It be a
      proper place name, so be deservin of capitalization. You are a
      Pastafarian! We don’t let ourselves wallow in ignorance!” Properly
      chastised, I turned to the pier to which we were approaching.

      1.7 As the ship was tied off, the Captain took me down the gangplank. We
      were greeted by a great throng of people, those dressed as pirates, and
      those with little or no clothing at all. And as we walked upon Heaven’s
      holy shore, I could not help but notice that it seemed… less then
      Heavenly. While the strippers were pleasant to look upon, and I am sure
      had nice personalities, most were homely instead of fair. The pirates on
      the shore were fine people, yet not that interesting. Even the stream
      of beer, flowing down Heaven’s holy flank was flat and macrobrewed. The
      bowls of pasta which seemed to be upon nearly every rock, were
      undercooked and the sauce was watered down. “Captain? Why are these
      things here? Why are the shores of heaven filled with ugly strippers?
      Why are the Pastafarians such bores? The pasta is terrible and the beer
      worse. Why are these things in Heaven?” And Saint James gave me the
      First Truth.

      1.8 “Many of the living believe that there is a Heaven for those who are
      to be rewarded, and a Hell to punish. This is not His way. He gathers
      all the best and brightest to Him at the Crater. The coolest pirates.
      The hottest strippers. The sauces there would blast away your mortal
      mouth. And the beer? Sweet Spaghetti Monster…” Seeing that words had
      failed him, I turned to the volcano, and looking up saw the top was lost
      in Alfredo-white clouds. “It is a long walk.” I observed. “Not really.
      This be Heaven, after all.” he said. “Well, less so this part, which be
      the outskirts. As the Flying Spaghetti Monster gathers those most worthy
      to him, those deserving of heaven inhabit all parts, according to their
      virtues.” “And which virtues are these?” I asked. And Saint James gave
      me the Second Truth.

      1.9 “Any who believe” said St. James “Are saved. There is a spot in
      Heaven for them. While it is possible to a complete douc he bag and still
      get into Heaven, you will not be invited to the parties, nor on the
      pillaging crews, nor to swim in the cauldron. Some get over it and knock
      off the crap. They slowly get accepted further up the mountain. Others
      accept their place and set about making it better. They quickly find
      themselves very busy far up the slopes. And others still can’t give it
      up. They find their place down here, and grumble about the beer, and
      complain about the ugly strippers, yet do nothing to improve their
      situation. They may spend eternity down here.” he explained. “Are they
      doomed? Will they never partake of the Holy Font of beers? Never taste
      the Perfect Alfredo? Never set eyes upon the Most Beautiful Strippers?” I
      asked shocked. “Don’t be an a$s.” said St. James. “They can go wherever
      they want. This is Heaven, after all! But like in real life, people
      don’t like to hang out with chowder heads. And more and more, those who
      deserve find themselves accepted for who they are up the slopes, and
      those who remain without virtue, find themselves accepted farther down.”
      “Ugh.” Said I. “It sounds like high school.” “It is like high school,”
      replied St. James. “But unlike that flawed copy, in Heaven, you are
      actually valued by what you are worth, rather then by who you are dating
      or who is on the football team.” “So what are these virtues, then?” I
      asked. “Oh, sorry. I got sidetracked there.” Said St. James. And
      proceeded to give me the Second Truth for real this time.

      2.0 “Pastafarians are judged by a number of Virtues,” explained St.
      James “But the most important are Wit, Piratitude, Respect, and
      Comeliness. Wit is not just making up snarky comments, though those are
      important, especially when defending the faith. Instead, Wit is all
      things mental. Quickness of thought, reasoning, acuity, curiosity,
      personality, acceptance. Those that go out and explore His creation and
      enjoy it and wish to find out more about it are blessed. Those that
      retreat to only one book, or to the television, they are doomed. Those
      that do not ask questions, that do not marvel at everyday things, those
      who do not go off the recipe to try and make the sauce better… they may
      never see Heaven’s blessed shore. Those that hate or fear the many, many
      things that He created cannot be true Pastafarians.”

      2.1 “PIratitude is force of will. It takes will to show up dressed in
      holy regalia in these modern times. It takes will to stand up for what
      you believe in, and to draw cutlass to defend it. Piratitude might be
      said to be able to take what you want from life, despite what others
      want. Besides, doing something interesting that you want makes you a
      more interesting person anyway. There is a noted lack of accountants up
      here, you know.”

      2.2 “Respect might be the greatest of the Virtues. In some ways, it is
      the flip side of the coin of Piratitude. Where Piratitude says you
      should go ahead and build a pirate ship out of recycled beer cans,
      Respect says lay off those who ain’t attacking ye. Respect all of His
      creation, for He made it. Recycle, turn off the light when you aren’t in
      the room, and for Heaven’s sake, get rid of that retarded SUV! Respect
      people too, as they are part of His creation. It doesn’t matter who is
      climbing in whose bed, or what they are eating, or what they wear. They
      are following their own Piratitude just as you are following yours. So
      show some Respect!”

      2.3 “Comeliness is beauty. Not just physical, but beauty in any of it’s
      forms. Think of it this way, you want to make the world more pretty with
      you in it. There are lots of ways to do this. Start by not being a
      jerk. Take care of yourself and let others take care of themselves.
      Offer help to those who need it, not to those who don’t. We are all one
      crew on the Earth, what kind of crewmate are ye gonna be?”

      2.4 “These virtues all reinforce and supplement each other. Someone with
      a lot of Wit will have it easier to find a way to follow their
      Piratitude. By following their Piratitude, you will show others the way,
      and Respect their choices. Respecting others needs and wishes improves
      your Comliness. Finding ways to improve your Comliness will improve your
      Wit. It goes without saying that many times you can improve yourself in
      many ways with even the simplest decisions.” “Now you are making it
      sound like a video game.” I observed. “Again, a poor copy of reality.”
      quipped St. James, and lead the way up the mountain.

      3.0 We stopped in the shadow of a factory as we climbed Heaven. I refreshed myself with a quaff of weissbeir
      trickling over a rock. It was notably better then those below. “Tell
      me,” I asked “I have always heard that Heaven has a stripper factory,
      yet we have passed a few on just our short trip. And I see more further
      up the slopes. Are the Gospels wrong?” “No,” he replied “Its like that
      place in the mall where you can make your own teddy bear. Even though
      there are hundreds around the world, you still call it a workshop
      singular, not workshops. Heaven has a stripper factory with many
      fabrication plants. It does not have multiple stripper factories.” I
      understood and followed him further up the slope past the wild garlic
      and basil.

      3.1 “Behold!” said St. James “The Great Beer Lake.” And I saw. Three
      streams of beer flowed into a natural basin, before pouring over the
      edge. And many pirates and strippers (and pirate-strippers. Rreow!)
      rested at its shore, sailed upon its waves, partook in its substance, or
      swam in it. We rested there at the shore for a while, and drank deep of
      the lake, and did admire the skinny-dipping of the strippers and
      pirates. And after a hearty meal of Pad Thai, we continued up the slope.

      3.2 From far off, I could hear the sound of flintlocks discharging. But
      St. James seemed to pay it no heed. In moments, we pulled into view of a
      massive pirate shanty built around a huge factory. “It must be a
      Friday” St. James noted as he entered into the town. And verily, all
      around the festivities were commencing. We saw a group of Pastafarians
      hauling casks of ale around. They made their job easier by drinking the
      casks as they went, making it lighter. Huge bowls of pasta were heaped
      for all to sample from. A pirate welcomed a freshly manufactured
      stripper from the factory. A group of Pastafarian ladies plundered the
      ale and pasta from their male counterparts in good fun. A great bevy of
      wonders I did see in that city, but St. James drew me on. “Come! We have
      to reach the Crater. You will have all eternity to explore Panpastum
      later. But there is more to show you now.”

      4.0 And true to his word, as we climbed, Heaven improved. The fragrance
      of great cooking was everywhere. The beer changed to the bitterest of
      IPAs, the richest of Porters, the sourest of Lambecs. Great clumps of
      tomatoes and garlic and basil seemed to grow everywhere. And the pasta!
      Ravioli exploding with flavor. Pot Stickers that satisfied with a single
      one, yet left you hungry for more. And I had a Cannolini that would
      make a grown man weep. The strippers we passed were humblingly
      beautiful, even the men. And the talk of the Pastafarians changed from
      whining about their situation to learned debates upon matters both
      classical and modern. I met with Jack Rackham, seated outside of a
      shanty, discussing the effects of Facebook on modern culture while
      drinking a very good American Strong Ale. Yet, even though the peak was
      in sight, St. James drew me onward to the top.

      4.1 And as we crested the top, I was allowed to witness the Holy of
      Holies. I cannot describe to you the glories there save for the fact
      that truly the most Witty, the most Piratical, the most Respectful, and
      the most Comely of the pastafarians and strippers were found there. They
      ate of pastas so good as to make heroin pale in comparison. They drank
      of freshly erupted beers so good as to make mortal brewmasters despair.
      And above it all, flew the Spaghetti Monster.

      4.2 I fell to my knees in the knowledge that I was not worthy of this
      view. Even the indescribable smell wafting from the crater was as far
      beyond what I deserved as I was beyond the sea far below us now. Then I
      felt his Noodly Appendage touch me. “There is no fate” He said unto me
      “Only what you make of yourself. If you truly wish this, then embrace
      your Virtues. There is a spot here for you, all you have to do is take
      it.”

      4.3 And I awoke in my own rooms, untouched as before. Yet I swear I
      could hear His voice saying as I woke up. “Oh! I almost forgot! Don’t
      forget to tell everyone, okay? Thanks!”

  • http://bibleversesfortoday.com/ Tina Tobin

    I love the way you summed up the war on Christmas really being a season war on Christians, because that really is what it comes down to. They get so much more coverage when they launch their attacks at Christmas time than any other time of year. I recently wrote about how the new war on Christmas seems to be to use the multi-faith display areas that some towns allow and to then use them to launch a display that mock Christians. This is an enormous tactic in towns where atheists have been unable to get nativity scenes removed.
    I'm also concerned about so many atheist groups successfully getting displays moved from public to private property. I think the next step will be to ask people to remove religious displays from private property if they can be seen from publlic areas. That might sound extreme, but there seems to be an enormous movement towards making sure that atheists don't have to see anything that "offends" them.

  • Paladin

    I agree there is a war on Christmas, but that is because it is a Christian holiday. The war against Christ and Christians is perpetual year round by atheists, socialists, communists and other haters of God. They like to take advantage of the holiday because it gives them an excuse to openly express their hatred for God and Christ.
    Much of Christmas is borrowed from paganism. The Christmas tree, gifts, mistletoe, hollies, even that date itself is borrwed from paganism. Nothing is mentioned concerning the celebration of Christmas in the Bible; only the birth of Christ, which was highly unlikely to be in December. No date is given in the Bible as to when Christ was borned. In the book of Acts, which covers approximately the first 30 years of church history, no such celebration is ever mentioned. According to Bible historians the Christmas celebration was unheard of until the 3rd century A.D. but did not gain much recognition until about the 4th century. Yule-day (Yule is Chaldean for child or infant) was celebrated by the pagan Ango-Saxons long before any had ever heard of Christianity. The church father Tertullian lamented the fact around 232 A.D. how Christians had become involved with Pagan festivities.
    The birth of Lord moon was celebrated by the ancient moon-worshipping Arabians about December 24-25. At the same time of the year Saturnalia by the Greeks and Romans. The prophet Jeremiah condemned the pagan practice of tree-worship and the use of what is now called the Christmans tree, saying, "The customs are vain, for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold, they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not. (Jeremiah 10: 3-4).
    The celebration of Christmas was once banned by the Puritans in some of the American colonies becuse of it's pagan origin.
    After I became a Christian, I learned the truth about Christmas, and since then I am not involved with the celebration; but as Paul wrote to the church at Rome concerning the dispute between Jewish and Gentile christians pertaining to the eating of certain foods and which days to worship (Romans 14) , I say let each person be persuaded in their own hearts.

    • Brian

      Yay Paladin!! Finally!!! A Christian who makes sense!! I'm a Christian, pray to God every night and a lot through the day. But facts are facts, and you've done your homework! It is a day of worship if you want to worship God, but December 25th is just another day on the calendar. December 25th is a day for those who will come together and rejoice with their families and friends, been that way for a long time. That's never gonna change. One big reason is one that Paladin talked upon, gift giving. There's no way the Walmarts and other chain stores would let that happen! Green rules in this country. No matter what religion you are. Sure there are people (people about to die) that couldn't be bought out, but what Senator or Representative wouldn't take some kickbacks just to keep the Christmas ball rolling? As long as its under the table. Can't let the folks back home. Wouldn't be prudent. Those that believe in God, out number the ones who actually object to displays of Christmas. The rest are apathetic. They don't care what we do. My friend is a so called atheist but he celebrates Christmas by giving his kids gifts and celebrating with his family. You shouldn't be so quick to judge and condemn someone for what they or may not believe, nor should you give up your religion and the beliefs that go with it. Just don't whine and moan every time someone (Fox News; so unbalanced it fell over!) declares that people are making 'War' over Xmas! That's so like them to get a rise out of the sheeple( yes Repubs are sheeple too ). I'm a Repub, but I don't think I'm better than a liberal or democrat!?! What's up with all these labels, anyways!?! It's crap! People judging others based on political affiliation is not Christian! Maybe in the Pharaoh's days but not now, when we need to be one as a nation and world. Just listen to 'Imagine' by John Lennon and you should get the message of the holiday season. We should all come together and be as one. Sounds like drivel, but in your heart of hearts you know it to be true.

    • dell

      You are absolutely right about Christmas, What if Satin started halloween on Jesus's birthday.

    • anniedawn

      According to a documentary I have Christ would have been born in October either about four years earlier or later (can't remember) than has been figured out. This was reasoned out by the "Christmas star". Several planets lined up creating this star. Astronomers can go backwards and check out events that happened in the sky centuries ago.

  • Twitch

    "The fool says in his heart, 'there is no God.' They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good." Psalm 14:1

    • anniedawn

      Twitch....That is why April 1 is an atheist holiday.

  • RicC

    Don't watch Jon Stewart, he is nothing but a commie stooge. Jon, you don' want to listen to the message God gave to mankind, than don't listen or move to an a atheists country, but do not try and shove your atheist message in my ears. This country was founded on freedom of religion, you practice yours and I will belive in mine. Get a real life and job.

  • R Stpme

    The anti christs will win their war on Christmas as the spirit of anti christ rises but this will eventually backfire in their faces as the persecution of Jesus Christ and those who love Him will create fire that most church christians haven't experienced in a hundred years or more. When the churches are shut or taken over, Christianity will go underground and will flourish in spirit and in truth.... where it should be. ...and eventually the judgments will fall on the anti christ world for their persecutions of the bride

  • http://yahoo.com/ Star

    That does not bother me about atheists wanting to mess up Christmas cause we will continue to do so, only inside with all the best of decorations are any ways.And we give thanks to God for His love. These atheists are going to be mighty shock when they see there is a God.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_P24T7IUFC5LSRBHKBHDDUHVWUU Jacqueline L

    The reaction to the Liberal Useful Fools like Stewart is simple. Insist on saying Merry Christmas and Happy Hannakuh every chance you get.
    Go to the church or temple of your choice in such large numbers you spill out into the streets! Why not the Muslims do it all over the world.
    NO, Jon, it is not about Christmas trees or Holiday Ads and crazed shopping! It is about being told to shut up about our beliefs lest we offend someone else! Namely Socialists, Islamists and Liberal non believers.

  • Guest Poster

    Leave it to a Jew, Jon Stewart, to say there isn't a war on Christmas. He wouldn't know Christmas from Hanukah if he got hit over the head with a menorah.

  • Vince

    First off if they eliminate the decoration then it's the atheist sign of non believing
    So that offended me If I don't see anything that makes me think if an atheist
    So why can't we Christians display a tree same thing
    Muslims bow and kiss the ground. That bothers me but hey it's a free country
    But has too work both ways
    How ridiculous u can't call a holiday by its name
    It's Christmas get over it u don't like it Don't listen
    Same with Chanukah it's the name for god sake of a holiday
    When us the insanity going to stop its a very small group
    Yet the politicians cave in to them WHY?
    Furthermore way to many people feel paying taxes us stealing and offensive
    But I don't see anything being done about that
    It has become all BS and we the people gave to come to gether

  • Vince

    I don't watch Stewart but for those Christians that do I ask u all stop and when the viewing
    Numbers drop and so do his advertisers Jon will be out of a job praying he never opened his mouth it's the idiots like him who are turning thus country into a sewer

  • Davnkatz

    I am not sure when the war on Cjhristmas started, but when I was a youngster (76 now) a teacher, in response to my question, explained that "Xmas" was the abbreviation for Christmas. Hmmmmmmm!!! Madelyn O'Hair really got the war rolling and it intensifies daily.

  • RocktheBenz

    Hey dickhead jon stewart! Come personally and take my Christmas tree..I welcome the visit. There will be no warning shot. Merry Christmas to the ACLU also...

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

      You don't get it at all, do you? No one wants to take your Christmas tree.

      • ARMYOF69

        I am RC, and you are welcome to come and take my neighbors trees. I do not have one, since it has nothing to do with the birth of our Lord Jesus.
        I do have a Presepio, and that is guarded at gun point.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

          ...just as Jesus would have it.

          Rest assured, no one is trying to take your nativity scene either. You are more likely to have it stolen by neighborhood kids than anyone else, so please be careful waving that firearm around.

      • dHb

        No Jim they do not get it

  • http://www.facebook.com/edward.p.cox Edward P Cox

    I put Stewert in the same class as Michael Moore. Swine.

  • chuckster

    Retailers are not helping.
    They should embrace the Christmas spirit.
    Their business depends on it..
    Stop with the holiday crap and address all religious holidays by their proper name.
    That way no one should be able to moan.

    • scatteredshowers

      Exactly. Buy from religious organizations instead.

  • Evermyrtle

    There is a war on anything and everything pertaining to JESUS CHRIST. There is more hate generated at HIM that anything else on earth. I is because HE never sinned, always spoke against sin. HE died the most horrendous life possible to cover sinners sins. The love world loves what HE said was sin. We have in this country legalized most of the things that HE spoke against. The more evil it , the more we love it, it seems.This can alone show the world just where the once Christian nation stands today on Christianity.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004623030332 Jim David

      Aren't you the same person slinging racial slurs and death threats in earlier postings? It's a little hard to swallow sermons from you regarding love, sin, and righteousness.

      • dHb

        Good call Jim, this is so typical of so many fundamentalists.

  • ARMYOF69

    I just love saying " MERRY CHRISTMAS" LOUDLY , when in bank lobbies, Costco , at business offices. Most bystanders seem to shudder , and give me strange looks.

  • gas pump junkie

    What else would you expect to hear from Jon Stewart. Hitler said that there was no war on Jews. We believed him, didn't we? President Obama has opened all his college records for us to see, hasn't he? So why wouldn't we believe Jon Stewart?

  • dHb

    I am not a Christian I am a Deist. I believe the Bible is a collection of Jewish folklore, superstition, mythology and fable and I do not believe that Jesus was the son of God. I do believe in one God who is the designer and creator of the universe but I am persuaded that he has revealed himself to mankind only thru what he has created which is available for all to see and not thru any book. Never-the-less I do not get offended by anyone’s desire to celebrate their religious belief in their own way and I do not understand why atheists get their shorts in such a wad about it.