As someone who is southern (by the grace of God) and grew up in the bible belt of America, it is common knowledge that if you want to marry a woman, you should ask her father first.
This is not a set-in-stone rule and you’re not going to social purgatory if you don’t do it, but the act is seen as a gesture of respect. To humbly ask her father for his blessing before asking her to marry you shows that you acknowledge her father as an important part of you, and shows that you respect him as such.
Jill Filipovic, author of The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness (go figure), posted on Cosmopolitan with a bunch of gibberish about how asking a woman’s father for her hand is “deeply sexist.” Women like this are the exact reason why they also post complaints about not finding good men. It’s impossible to please a feminist!
It’s the final days of August, which means summer wedding season is finally winding down, and we’ll have a few months of respite before the holiday engagement season – and the attendant ring-on-hand selfies that flood your Facebook feed — kicks in. In the months before they propose to their partners, men across America will be popping a different question – to their future fiancé’s father, asking for his blessing to marry his daughter.
Challenging conventional wedding traditions may be low on the list of feminist priorities, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important to take a hard look at the rituals and norms we hold dear, or participate in without much thought. Gender equality isn’t just about getting laws on the books; it’s about changing a culture that situates men as dominant and women as subordinate. And some of the most stubborn and more literal incarnations of a sexist culture come along with weddings – which is why, uncomfortable though it may be, those of us who want a more egalitarian society must take a hard look at how wedding rituals undermine that goal. There’s a lot about American marriage traditions that are sexist, and a lot of sexism that gets rewritten as romance. But perhaps second only to women overwhelmingly folding their names and identities into their husbands when they marry is men asking their girlfriend’s father for permission to marry her. Which is why those of us in feminist relationships should reject that norm – or at least understand that by partaking in it, we’re reinforcing a deeply sexist practice.
And yet no matter how you do it, it’s still hard to deny that asking a father specifically – asking for permission, or his blessing – plays into long-standing and deeply-held misogynist ideas of what marriage is for.
That is a condensed version, for you to get the gist of her ridiculous argument. I truly cannot understand how asking a woman’s father for his blessing is sexist.
I think feminists literally look for anything they can spin in their favor and just run with it.