Florida’s playing fast and loose with its residents’ safety, not to mention the state and federal laws.
The state’s attorney had his hands on the notorious Star-Spangled Bandit, but he let him get away due to what we can only assume was some sort of liberal fit of bleeding-heart disease.
When college scoundrel Lane Pittman decided to celebrate the Fourth of July, he took an ax to the national anthem. And by ax I mean an electric gee-tar.
By the time police arrived on the scene, the dastardly Pittman had incited more than 300 passers-by into a riotous display of patriotism, during which they did not loot any stores, nor start any fires, nor hurl any rocks, nor turn over any cars.
But the clearly out-of-hand crowd was blocking traffic at Neptune Beach, a vitally important stretch of sand that must be kept clear at all times for the sake of the greater community’s access to waves and bikini-clad teens.
When he was captured by police, Pittman was defiant, even having the nerve to say he was exercising his First Amendment rights.
Even when officials generously offered him community service Pittman refused to comply with decent society.
It baffles the mind to think what threats or bribery Pittman must have employed to get the state attorney to drop the clearly justified charges. This sort of criminal enterprise smacks of some sort of conservative terrorist clique, but there’s nothing to substantiate that suspicion.
Once released upon society, the unbowed Pittman celebrated by thanking his strange deity and once more offending our secular socialist sensibilities.
“ALL. GLORY. TO GOD,” he wrote on Facebook, a known online gathering place for terrorists, traitors and Tea Partiers. “The State Attorney’s office has decided to drop all charges!!!! SO pumped!! Thank you for all the prayers, kind words, and thoughts!! It means the world!!”
Hmph. Damn theist.
Footage of the original crime may be seen here.