When my youngest son asked me if I had seen the trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, I thought it was a joke. He assured me that it was real. Sure enough, when my wife and I went to see The Avengers today (in 3D no less), and there was the poster big and bold staring down on us.
Intrigued, I went online and read about the film’s storyline that was based on the book of the same name that was published to mixed reviews in 2010. It’s a retelling of history with vampires as shadowy figures behind the evil of slavery and much else:
When Lincoln is eleven years old, he learns from his father Thomas Lincoln that vampires are in fact real. Thomas explains to his son that a vampire killed Abraham’s grandfather (also named Abraham Lincoln) in 1786. Young Abraham is also shocked to learn that his beloved mother Nancy Hanks Lincoln succumbed not to milk sickness but rather to being given a “fool’s dose” of vampire blood, the result of Thomas’s failure to repay a debt. Lincoln vows in his diary to kill as many vampires as he can. A year later he lures the vampire responsible for his mother’s death to the family farm and manages to kill it with a homemade stake.
Then I watched the trailer. I noticed a single line that raised my suspicions about what might be the real message of the film. What do the vampires represent? Here’s a clue:
“It’s time vampires got a nation of our own.”
The vampires are advocates of states’ rights. The vampires are today’s conservatives who want to maintain the status quo. Abraham Lincoln will use his considerable skills to put an end to the Tenth Amendment nonsense.
Don’t be surprised if Democrats start portraying conservatives as vampires and Barack Obama as Abraham Lincoln, the Republican vampire hunter.
We could remind the Democrats that Lincoln oversaw a war that led to more than 620,000 American deaths in a war that did not need to be fought. Yes, slavery was evil. But it was evil in England as well, and England was able to abolish the slave trade without a war.
The real vampires are liberals who suck the lifeblood out of everything they sink their teeth into.