Janet Napolitano on the Trail of Global Warming

Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano is the Inspector Clouseau of national law enforcement, albeit without the redeeming charm.

Kicking off her tenure with the issuance of a report linking military veterans, Tea Party members and other everyday conservatives to terrorism, saying “the system worked” when the underwear bomber nearly succeeded in blowing up a plane on Christmas 2009, presiding over TSA’s “third base” program of airport security, “enhancing” our homeland security by refusing to enforce our borders — Napolitano has racked up quite a record as one of the most clueless busybodies ever to hold the power to make people disappear.

Which is why it makes me more than a little nervous when the clue master starts hinting that she’s going after that fiery phantom called global warming when temperatures for the last decade show what many scientists believe is a cooling trend.

While discussing the wildfires in Colorado this week and some of the hot, wild weather in parts of the country, Napolitano opined, “there’s a pattern here.”

Yes, Janet, there is a pattern: Hot + Windy = Big Fire Hazard.

Very good.

Clouseau got on the case when a logic-challenged reporter asked her if the wildfires were linked to global warming.

“You have to look at climate change over a period of years, not just one summer,” Napolitano answered. “You could always have one abnormal summer. But when you see one after another after another then you can see, yeah, there’s a pattern here.”

I remember when I was a lad in preschool and my teacher (who was beautiful and the first woman I ever asked to marry me, but whose name I have now completely forgotten) taught us a little rhyme about the seasons so we would understand how weather changed throughout the year.

Apparently, Napolitano can’t recall summers ever being hot when she was young.

Living in California, I’ve seen my share of wildfires, and every time they get out of hand here (usually around September), there’s always some mental giant in the media or in government trying to link the fires to global warming. As far as “abnormal” summers go, in this part of the country, it’s been very mild so far this year, and around the rest of the globe there’s no massive increase in temperatures, either. In other words, there’s not really a pattern of the sort Napolitano is looking for.

But common sense never did stop a government official from trying to fight the weather, and Inspector Clouseau is no different.

Asked if the government had plans to combat the climate, Napolitano said, “I think that we are preparing. We understand and we are seeing the changing weather patterns. We are seeing right now in what already has been a difficult summer. … So yes, we incorporate some of that into our planning.”

I shouldn’t be surprised, I suppose. King Obama did accept his nomination famously with a line about how he would slow the rise of the seas and “heal” the planet. I should expect no less arrogance from his underlings.

Scientists in Britain recently have been studying evidence of a huge swath of land called Doggerland, that once linked Britain with the rest of Europe. It stretched from Scotland to Denmark and was inhabited as recently as 6500 B.C. but became submerged. It’s only one of many such lost underwater kingdoms around the world.

It should give hope to Atlantis hunters, but it should also serve to underscore the futility of human efforts against nature.

It’s a lesson our government desperately needs to learn.