Kenyan Bull Fights and Witch Doctors Predict Obama’s Victory

If the Obama administration were some how able to get not just illegal aliens and dead people to register and vote, but also Kenyans, Obama would likely win. Not surprisingly, Kenyans feel that President Obama is actually one of them, which is why Kenyan citizens are putting their full support behind Obama.

Here in the States, we have countless pollsters and media organizations that conduct surveys to measure a candidate’s support and to predict who will win the election based on likelihood that each participant will vote. We complain of biases because of the poll methodologies, loaded questions, personal agendas of the organization conducting the poll, and sample biases. And then there’s the problem of landlines versus cell phones.

Over in Kenya, they have bull fights:

“On Saturday, villagers from western Kenya town of Khayega held a bull fighting contest between a 900-pound black bull they named Obama and a black and white 1,000-pound bull they named Mitt Romney. Both are cattle breeds indigenous to Kenya. Despite being smaller in size, Obama was the overwhelming favorite having won six of his last fights, and he did not disappoint. After close to half an hour the bulls were separated and Obama was declared winner. Happy villagers burst onto the streets in song and dance rejoicing the victory, some carrying placards reading ‘Obama top most!’ while others reading ‘Romney Can’t!'”

 And therefore, the real Obama will win re-election. I know: what a bunch of bull.

But this wasn’t really a fair fight. I harshly object to the fact that a black bull represented Obama, and a black and white bull represented Romney. To be racially consistent, they should have chosen the black and white bull to represent Obama and a white bull to represent Romney. Then, things may have turned out differently.

It turns out that there are more Kenyan methods of predicting who will win elections. In Obama’s hometown ancestral hometown of Kogelo, Kenya, a witch doctor predicted Obama’s victory today:

 “[W]itch doctor John Dimo tossed some shells, bones and other items to determine who will win Tuesday’s election. After throwing the objects like so many dice outside his hut in Kogelo village, Dimo, who says he is 105 years old, points to a white shell and declares: ‘Obama is very far ahead and is definitely going to win.’”

 So there you have it. The bull fights and witch doctors have declared it for Obama. Just in case their methods prove to be somehow inaccurate, Kenya is holding its General Election in March of next year. Obama should run.