Scientifically Proven: Conservative Women are Better Looking

We conservative men have known this since the dawn of time, but now the University of California Los Angeles has used computers to mathematically analyze the faces of members of the House of Representatives and discovered that conservative women are better looking.

It’s about time science caught on.

The researchers worked out average mathematical values for female faces and found that Republican ladies in the House of Representatives scored closer to the ideal than Democrats.

The funniest discovery of the research, however, is that even liberal college students subconsciously realize our women are prettier. The researchers showed participants pictures of members of the House without saying which party they belonged to, and the students could pick out the conservatives from the liberals in a heartbeat. The odd attractive Democrats had their party affiliations guessed incorrectly most often.

Rep. Michele Bachmann scored highest on the House yummy index, by the way, something you could have guessed without looking at her just by hearing how much liberals hate her.

The study speculates that we conservatives expect our female representatives to adhere to feminine stereotypes, therefore we effectively shame them into looking good.

Or it could be that liberal attitudes that turn women into either sex objects or imitations of men have been very effective in eliminating femininity among liberals. Let’s face it, liberal “feminism” is a big draw for ugly women who either don’t want a man or who want to sleaze around with a bunch of different men.

The conservative beauty factor goes beyond members of Congress, of course, and there’s no need to use a computer to prove it, though it’s nice to have some scientific backup. Just look at the lineup of well-known conservative women vs. liberal women.

We’ve got Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Cathy Rodgers McMorris, Laura Ingraham, Star Parker, Carrie Prejean, Heather Locklear and Sarah Michelle Gellar.

They’ve got Hillary Clinton, Debbie Wasserman Shultz, Janet Reno, Janet Napolitano, Valerie Jarrett, Rosie O’Donnell, Joy Behar and Michelle Obama.

We win, hands down.

The UCLA study also took a look at male members of the House, but here’s where the study jumped the rails. Researchers actually found that Democratic males in the House were more masculine. I think we took a hit because of John Boehner’s leaky tear ducts.

Except for the Clintons — Bill and Hillary — I can’t think of any masculine Democrats. They are, after all, the party of Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, Harry Reid, Barney Frank and Al Franken.

We Republicans, however, are the party of Ronald Reagan, Charlton Heston, Allen West and Chuck Norris.

I think the factor that threw the masculinity study was humility, which our guys have by the buckets full. For “masculinity,” liberals probably read “obnoxious, loudmouthed, drunk and most likely gay.” Liberals are too full of self esteem, even when they have nothing to be proud of. They are the party that booed God.

Conservatives, on the other hand, often come across as mild mannered because we make an effort not to let being so naturally awesome go to our heads.