Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. America, and all the spies in D.C.
This is to announce the discovery of something so unheard of that it could shake the government to its very core. Those of you reading this from the White House basement, take notes.
After braving the untold perils of the Florida swamps, the icy cold of the Rocky Mountains, the stifling heat of the great Southwestern deserts, the thick rainforests of the Northwest, a group of everyday scholars, homespun historians and military veterans wearing fedoras and bullwhips have recovered an artifact of legendary power.
Its former owners called it … the Constitution.
When first found, the Constitution was contained with other materials in a big black bag labeled “trash,” but the intrepid band of Americans were able to recover it — somewhat dusty, crumpled up and gravy-stained from being used as a napkin by the president — gently smooth out its creases and ensure that it would survive another day. …
It shouldn’t take extraordinary efforts to defend our Constitution, which was designed by the Founding Fathers to keep the government in check. They knew that any government, even a representative republic, that was not watched closely would eventually turn toward tyranny.
It’s difficult to pinpoint the exact starting point of the chain of events, but it is not difficult to see the overwhelming tide of recent history has favored the worst dictatorial impulses of the leaders who were chosen to protect us.
The Fourth Amendment is clear: “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.”
The White House admits that the federal government has been gathering telephone records, Internet records and who knows what else on all Americans for at least seven years, then dismisses the blatant breaking of the law as if it was just one more day on the golf course.
“If people can’t trust not only the executive branch but also don’t trust Congress, and don’t trust federal judges, to make sure that we’re abiding by the Constitution with due process and rule of law, then we’re going to have some problems here,” Obama said Friday.
This government has targeted, harassed, intimidated and spied on Americans who have done nothing, in flagrant disregard for the Constitution. There is even a report that the new Xbox — produced by National Security Agency partner Microsoft — will monitor users 24/7 with the included Kinect camera device, which can detect heartbeats and eye movements.
“Going to have” problems? Pal, we’ve got your “problems” right here. …