Amnesty for White House Fence Jumper

There’s a petition at that we should all get behind, demanding amnesty for the man who jumped the White House fence a few days ago and made it inside the residence before being caught.

As the petition points out, Omar Gonzalez, which is just the perfect name, was only looking for a better life for himself and should not be punished for breaking whatever piddly little laws keep people out of the White House.

But read it for yourself, here:

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“[R]eform White House access and grant Comprehensive Executive Amnesty & residency to migrant Omar J. Gonzalez & his family


“We urge President Obama to immediately and publicly recognize that Mr. Omar J. Gonzalez, an oppressed migrant, was merely looking for a better life when he entered the White House after going over the classist, divisive and needless fence.

“In the interest of White House diversity and what will surely result in adding to the rich tapestry of love and community, we further demand that the President reform the mean-spirited laws regulating access to the People’s House. For justice and peace, upon his next return from the back-nine, Mr. Obama must award permanent lawful WH residency to Mr. Gonzalez and his family, along with a permit to work there. Because.


I’d like to shake the hand of the true American who started this petition. Omar is getting royally mistreated under our tyrannical White House immigration laws.

It’s a shame he couldn’t have brought his wife or some other female along with him to give birth to an anchor baby in Michelle Obama’s living room. They would have to let the whole family stay.

I think not only should Omar be allowed to stay at the White House, but he should never have to use that work permit. The government should just pay him for staying, provide him with food stamps, cash aid, college grants and whatever else he wants. Don’t forget the Obama phone. And if he wants to hang out on the corner of the West Wing with his VC-13 or his ISIS buddies, so much the better. He’s earned it.

Officials found that the trunk of his car contained ammunition, a machete and other oversized cutlery and decorative objects, which must be returned to him. During a previous arrest in July, authorities seized a sawed-off shotgun and several rifles. Those are his, presumably obtained through the Fast and Furious program, and they should also be returned.

Should he choose to work, this Army veteran is clearly overqualified compared with most illegal immigrants. Normally, illegal aliens take the lowest-skill jobs in a community, so Omar should be a shoe-in for vice president. I’m sure he’s just as qualified to drink and spew non sequiturs about the Tea Party as Jumpin’ Joe is.

And just to be fair, let’s have none of this business about locking the door. All White House doors must be wide open, otherwise our government is being racist.

If you can make it to the White House, El Presidente Obama will grant you amnesty, and your needs will be paid for out of Michelle’s vacation fund. It’s only fair. After all, the land the Obamas are squatting on once belonged to … um … well, somebody else. Point is, America stole it, so illegal immigrants have the right to steal it back. (I’m sure I read that in some La Raza literature.)

After all, fair is fair.

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