An Argument for American Citizen Amnesty

I’ve had an epiphany recently. For years, heck, as long as I can remember, I’ve been dead set against any form of legalization or amnesty for any person illegally here in the United States, whether it’s a Mexican who waded across the Rio Grande, the Swedish Bikini team that overstayed their visas, or a child who was brought here illegally by his or her parents.

It didn’t matter to me how they arrived or why, or their reason for staying. They all had to go, I thought. I was unapologetic and steadfast.

Well, times have changed and we dusty old constitutional conservatives must change or be left behind.

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I hope you will now join me in converting to the pro-amnesty side as I lay out my argument.

The crux of my reasoning has more to do with current American citizens then those as yet undocumented.

Now, back in the bad old days when citizens were expected to get an education and then venture out into the world to earn a living. One was actually expected to work for a paycheck. Seriously? Yes – I’m not kidding.

It has come to my attention, and probably yours as well, that this concept is one that has run its course. This is a good thing. For decades, centuries even, we have toiled under the lash, with little time for leisure and family.

But recent advances in societal engineering have made it possible to throw off that yoke.

As many have stated, including the distinguished senator, Chuck Schumer – it really is a “Family Values” issue. It’s high time someone said what I’m sure we have all been thinking. Work simply takes away that precious time the family can spend together.

It used to be that welfare and unemployment benefits were just temporary. Unfair, I know. Now, however, our enlightened society has made it possible to liberate many from the burden of a job. I recoil even saying that word – job.

(This reminds me of the Maynard G. Krebs character played by Bob Denver in the TV sitcom The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959-1963) who recoiled at any mention of the word “work.”)

As an added benefit, our benevolent government has provided us with Obamacare so we will no longer be forced into the workplace for healthcare. Those afflicted with “Job Lock” can rejoice in this news.

So what does this have to do with the yet undocumented citizens?

Well, as another distinguished senator, John McCain, stated, “There are jobs Americans just won’t do.” Not even prisoners.

Rebecca Tallent, an advocate working for John Boehner, described a real life situation:


“Gov. Haley Barbour has a great example when he’s talking about this, that there’s a chicken processing plant in Mississippi that’s a couple of miles from the state penitentiary. They have this program that allows prisoners to leave prison to go and work and make six dollars an hour processing chickens. They said they’ve never had a prisoner last more than two days cleaning chickens, that they would rather be in their cells in prison then go and work in this chicken processing plant because it’s just such hard, dirty, nasty work.”


So I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s obvious we need a workforce. People willing to do the jobs current Americans won’t do. They can pick the lettuce, clean the chickens, and build the Chevys, while we, who have earned the right not to work, spend quality time with our families. It’s the new, progressive Circle of Life and like the Democrats, we also should be celebrating it.

So won’t you join me in my quest for the new American dream? Quit your lousy job, sign up for unemployment, welfare, WIC, SSI, and Obamacare.

It’s your civil right – here in the new America!

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