Global Warming Cited in Melting of Gov. Moonbeam’s Brain

In a stunning piece of news, Southern California law enforcement officials have arrested Global Warming on suspicion of arson in the recent wildfires.

At least that’s the conclusion you might draw since none other than California’s Gov. Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown assured us just a few days ago that the raging fires between San Diego and Los Angeles were caused by global warming.

Then authorities arrested a suspect in a 105-acre blaze in Oceanside.

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Then they arrested two teens on suspicion of setting two brush fires in Escondido.

Just FYI, “Global Warming” is Alberto Serrato, 57; Isaiah Silva, 19; and  a 17-year-old whose name wasn’t released.

Dollars to doughnuts there will be more arson arrests in the wildfires that have raged across Southern California. Having lived in the region for decades, I can tell you that’s how most of these things start. The weather gets hot, and the fire bugs come out to celebrate by watching their hobby disrupt the lives of thousands of people. I know of at least one area where arson fires were an annual event for several years until inspectors caught up to the gang-slash-cult behind it. (The fact that fires kept starting at the mouth of a place known locally as Devil’s Canyon was a big clue.)

But according to Gov. Moonbeam, “As we send billions and billions of tons of heat-trapping gases, we get heat and we get fires and we get what we’re seeing. … Humanity is on a collision course with nature, and we’re just going to have to adapt to it the best we can.”

(By adapt, of course, he means waste billions of dollars on fruitless projects that do nothing but impoverish the average person and make a select few wealthy.)

TV host George Stephanopoulos egged Moonbeam on, noting that California has already seen twice as many wildfires this year as it has at this point in the past five years. (That might have something to do with the freak three-day heat wave and the above-mentioned arsonists, George.)

Of course, it doesn’t take much to get Moonbeam on his global warming soapbox.

Just the other day, he started blathering about how a recent report found that two Antarctic glaciers are collapsing and will raise sea level by four feet over the next 200 years. He went on to say that Los Angeles International Airport would therefore have to be moved at the cost of billions of dollars, which surprised folks because LAX is between 108 feet above sea level on the low side and 126 feet on the high end, with higher bluffs between it and the ocean.

Moonbeam’s staff backpedaled on that one, but they have yet to admit the idiocy of the governor blaming the state’s “drought” on global warming, which he has done on multiple occasions.

The truth is, California’s liberal politicians have caused the state’s drought by cutting off water to the state’s Central Valley in the name of protecting the Delta smelt, a non-native sardine bait fish that is doing just fine. They’ve also spent years closing perfectly good reservoirs, dams and waterways, along with refusing to upgrade the state’s water works or invest in desalination plants that could help water the farms, run the taps and fill all the swimming pools. It’s not that the state doesn’t get enough rainfall; it’s that liberals have dragged the state down and stood in the way of building it back up.

I get the impression that Moonbeam is some sort of “Rainman”-style idiot-savant. I think his staff just drives him around and lets him babble to keep him out of trouble.

The scene inside the limo probably goes something like this:

Staffer: Governor, why don’t you close the window? It’s hot outside.

Moonbeam: Global warming!

Staffer: Of course, sir, but we’ve got the A/C on.

Moonbeam: Air-conditioning causes global warming.

Staffer: If you say so, sir. Say, it’s almost lunchtime. Would you like to stop for burgers?

Moonbeam: Burgers? Oh, burgers are not good. Not good. Burgers come from beef. Beef comes from cows. Cows fart.

Staffer: Sir?

Moonbeam: Cow farts cause global warming. I’m not eating cow farts. Not even with cheese.

Staffer: No sir. Nix the burgers. Would you like something else to eat then?

Moonbeam: I’m not wearing any underwear. …


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