Here’s How to Boost Journalism’s Credibility

During May Day celebrations a couple of days ago, a freelance videographer asked a CBS reporter if she planned to include the people carrying hammer and sickle flags in her report.

First, she denied having seen any, even though there were a few visible just yards behind her. Then, she asked the videographer what those flags meant, what they represent. Seriously.

In Los Angeles this week, the L.A. Times has discovered that it pays to be in politicians’ pockets as several city council members have stepped forward and threatened to intervene should the paper be sold to the — gasp — conservative Koch brothers.

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Councilman Bill Rosendahl said he decided to sponsor the motion because he had read (probably in the Times or the Huffington Post) that “the Koch brothers, if it’s true, it’s the end of journalism. I don’t want to see Los Angeles, the second-largest city and the biggest region in the nation, not to have a quality newspaper.”

The end of journalism came and went a while ago, not that Rosendahl could be expected to know that, since he apparently relies on the Times for news.

The mainstream media need a shot of credibility, stat.

They could turn things around overnight by simply replacing their current lineup of ignoramuses, party operatives and former politicians with people who command far more respect from the public.

Imagine the following promo for MSNBC or any of the other left-wing media news broadcasters:

Ladies and gentlemen, we here at MSNBC have been happy  to be your news choice. Due to our sadly, ludicrously lax standards in recent years and our sycophantic tendency  to kiss his excellency President Obama’s ring, many of you have lost faith in our ability to continue to be a reliable source of information and current events.

So we’ve decided to remedy the situation by giving our entire racist, borderline schizophrenic staff of journalists the boot in favor of people who have earned the public’s trust and respect in the hopes that you’ll come back to us. Without further ado, here’s your new nightly newscast.

(Lights come up.)

Giorgio Tsoukalos:  Good evening, America, I’m your news host Giorgio Tsoukalos, most recently of the History Channel’s “Ancient Aliens” series. As predicted by ancient Mayan prophecy in the sacred text of the Popol Vuh … (leans close to camera, hair waving in studio wind) there’s something strange going on at the White House. For that story, we take you to our correspondent, Erich von Daniken, who is actually on scene  at (dramatic pause) … the White House.

Von Daniken: Zhank you, Giorgio. Zhe President Obama, his spokesperson Jay Ca-a-a-rney today is zhaying zhat zhe president is hiding nuthzing about zhe Benghazi events of which zhome people believes were predicted by Nostradamus. Let me tell you, zhere is not nuthzing about zhe Benghazi, zhere is zhomething. So, I hired a aeroplane und a pee-lot und we fly overhead, und what do we zhee? Zhe Benghazi story told by zhe White House is full of holes zhat are only visible from zhe air.

Giorgio: From the air? What do you think it could be? Could it be sign of (dramatic pause) extraterrestrial influence?

Von Daniken: Eet is almost as if zhomething has been deliberately buried at zhe White House. Und here’s what is most strange. Zhe holes all line up, und if you draw a line on zhe map through zhe holes in zhe Benghazi story, you get a line zhat points straight to Ireland, near Cork, where zhere is zhe Castle Blarney, home of zhe world-famous Blarney stone.

Giorgio: Disturbing indeed. We’ll be back with Erich a little later when he’ll talk to us about a possible connection (lowers voice, leans close to camera) between President Obama and Loki, the Nordic god of mischief and lies. Coming up after commercial, we’ll have George Noory on, talking to us about how secret government techniques developed in the MK-Ultra program may have helped Muslim terrorists carry out the Boston Marathon bombings. Then William J. Birnes, author of the “Star Trek Cookbook” will teach us how to make Gagh, whatever that is. And don’t forget to stay tuned for a special report:

Jamie Hyneman: Hi, I’m Jamie …

Adam Savage: And I’m Adam …

Hyneman and Savage: … from “Mythbusters.”

Hyneman: We’re going to take on some of the myths about Obamacare and see what the truth is …

Savage: With the help of about 500 pounds of pork butts and a whole bunch of dynamite! Hee hee hee. …

Hyneman: Do you have to laugh every time you say that?

Giorgio: All right, sounds great guys. (Theme music begins to rise.) We also have an investigation by the folks at “Ghost Hunters”:

(Clip rolls. Several unidentified voices.) What’s that shadow? Some … thing … is in the corner. Could that be … it looks like Nancy Pelosi! Oh, God! It’s moving, it’s moving! Britt, get out of there! …”

Giorgio: Whoa, creepy. I’m Giorgio, this is the news, coming back in a moment, so stay tuned. Remember, the truth is out there, and so are we!


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