Judge Decides Household Tools are Assault Weapons

Only a liberal would bring pliers to a gunfight.

That’s effectively what happened when U.S. District Judge Robert Dow Jr. dismissed a complaint filed on behalf of a Chicago teacher who was suspended for bringing a household toolbox to class for a lesson about tools.

In rejecting the complaint, the judge said officials at Washington Irving Elementary School correctly defined the tools as “weapons.”

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Chicago teacher Douglas Bartlett was suspended for four days for bringing tools to class as a visual aid. Bartlett, a 17-year veteran educator, brought the tools to show his second-grade class, and any potentially dangerous tools were kept out of the hands of students.

Along with wrenches, pliers and screwdrivers, Bartlett displayed a pocketknife and boxcutter, showing his students how those tools are properly used. When the tools were not being used, they were stored in a locked box on a shelf that even an adult could not reach without using a step stool.

But as often happens these days, some milquetoast complained, and Bartlett was dragged into the principal’s star chamber for sentencing.

The school district charged Bartlett with “possessing, carrying, storing, or using a weapon” and “negligently supervising children, inattention to duty and repeated vagrant acts.”

John Whitehead of the Rutherford Institute, which brought the case on Bartlett’s behalf, has said, “In an age where public schools face an unprecedented number of real challenges in maintaining student discipline, and addressing threats of real violence, surely no one benefits from trumped up charges where no actual ‘weapons’ violation has occurred and no threat is posed to any member of the school community.”

This is not the first time we’ve heard of such anti-weapon foppery. The list of children who have been suspended or punished for chewing Pop-tarts into gun shapes, pointing their fingers, holding pencils menacingly or just having a pocketknife in a locked car on campus is unbelievably long.

It’s like schools no longer hire vertebrates for their administration officers, just some sort of squidlike mollusks with loose ink bladders that let fly whenever they imagine they see a potential weapon.

According to Whitehead, “I talk to people today who tell me they cannot even look at a picture of a gun because it is too frightening.”

These professional bed wetters are the heralds of a future where Americans are deathly fearful of their government and too afraid of weapons to take up arms against government tyranny. Sounds like a plan.


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