Saudi Arabia is Advertising for Eight New Executioners

So you say you need a job. Maybe you’re one of the over 93 million unemployed Americans. And to add to that misery, you don’t have a ton of marketable skills. Perhaps you’re just starting out — willing to start at ground level and work your way up the ladder.

You’ve applied everywhere and still nothing. Well, maybe it’s time to expand your horizons — expand your job search area — perhaps even overseas. Heck, you say anything would be better than my current situation.

Well buck up — for there is a country that’s hiring. So far, there are only eight job openings, but these jobs require no schooling and no experience. One hint though: If as a kid you grew up playing with toy swords, that may be a plus.

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Saudi Arabia is currently advertising for eight new executioners. The executioner duties are to dispense justice as directed by the Saudi Sharia courts. Specific duties will be amputations and beheadings.

Evidently there is a dearth of executioners in the kingdom. The current force simply cannot keep up with the demand. Beheadings are way up. So far this year there have been 85, compared to a total of 88 in 2014.

The Irish Times reports that “No special qualifications are needed for the jobs whose main role is executing a judgment of death, but also involving performing amputations on those convicted of lesser offenses, according to the advert, which was posted on the civil service jobs portal.”

Yes, this is a civil service position and “the salary would be on the lower end of the Saudi civil service pay scale.”

Although the ad does mention the pay scale, it doesn’t specify what sort of benefit package is included — whether you might qualify for a government pension. It also says nothing about medical, dental, or any incentive packages — like if you are the top beheader, you get a bonus. Nothing like that. So this is a salaried position, but the ad also makes no mention of a requirement to join the Executioners Union Local 231.

Rape, murder, armed robbery, drug trafficking, and of course apostasy are crimes punishable by death, of which you will have to dispense. There are lesser crimes that don’t involve beheadings, such as lashings.

We all remember the Saudi blogger Raif Badawi who was sentenced to 1000 lashes after being convicted of insulting Islam. Properly cracking the whip, so to speak, is no doubt a special skill which probably takes years to master. So I doubt any successful new hire would be asked to perform such a task.

Perhaps though, there are classes you may sign up for to learn proper lashing techniques. You know — once you get a few beheadings under your belt. I’m not sure how they practice the art of lashing. It may be similar to hairdressing school, where students practice on volunteers — although, I doubt they get a lot of them. They probably just use Christians.

So, for those interested in the executioner position, there is a downloadable PDF application available, although I don’t have the specific address. Maybe try

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